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resolutions for 2012

well, we’re 4 whole days into 2012 and i have yet to give myself resolutions for this year.  but i’ve been pondering them for the last few weeks.

i’m a big lover of “goal setting”, but not such a “goal achiever”.  i set huge lofty goals because i believe that easy to achieve goals aren’t really achieving anything other than self congratulations, and then my lofty goals never get met causing me to abandon them altogether.

so, issues; i has them.

there’s a lot going on right now that is causing me to stop and have perspective on my life.  watching someone i care about slowly lose their life and fighting it every step of the way has been incredibly harrowing and irrecoverably changed me.  the reality of this has really hit me in the last 24 hours and it’s stirred up some intense desires in me to be better at living my life.

i’ve basically just come to the conclusion that i’d sure as hell better start making the most of my days on this planet and count my blessings whether they come in the form of huge life events or just a good cup of coffee.
every moment matters. there’s no time to waste.  start today.

my words aren’t any more meaningful that anyone else that’s come to this conclusion… the internet is full of people on their paths towards better lives and preaching of living for today and seizing every moment.  but like much of life, these things don’t resonate until they touch you personally.

so, consider me touched, changed and changing.

i’ve already been on a journey for years now to better myself in various ways… but the one thing that holds me back, time and again is simple fear.
i’m scared to do somethings alone. there’s oodles of things i want to do… classes, hobbies, learning… but i don’t.  under the excuse that i don’t have anyone to do these things with me.
i’m exhausted by this.
so in 2012, i resolve to stop this fear and do things by myself.  banish the excuse of needing a companion and just do it. simple enough to say, but incredibly hard to change as a behavior pattern.  so it’s an official goal, resolution or whatever you want to call it.

next up… the “good stuff”.  smoking.  i love smoking.  i absolutely love doing it… and i’ve stopped.  on december 20th i finished my last pack and was smoke free for 10 days… new years eve i smoked 2 cigarettes.  since then – none.
quitting smoking is one of those things that most smokers plan on doing eventually, but when that day comes, you’re full of excuses to not do it.  i still go outside with the smokers and look longingly… but i think i’m done for good this time.

general health goals…
i resolve to continue on my wheat-free journey… and my ongoing quest for local & sustainable choices for my food. i will eliminate processed goods and “food-like substances” and only eat real food.  i will continue to absorb knowledge and never put back on my blinders about what is going into my body.

i will learn to love exercise again.
i will swim, i will run, i will bike, i will hike, i will paddle.  and i will do them all alone if i must.

i will learn to drive a car.
yup, there it is.  the fear of driving has held me back for 15 years. but in banishing fear, i need to tackle these things. so this is a big one for me.

i will be happy.
i read a great article this morning called 12 things happy people do differently and it made me reflect a little on my own behavior.  while most of those things are things already on my mental to-do list, there’s some things i can work on.

i will see places i’ve never seen and experience things that scare me.
in september my husband & i are planning a trip to munich & italy. i’ve never traveled anywhere that does not predominately speak english. this scares me. i very much like to control my surroundings, so venturing out of that “safe zone” for me will be exciting and challenging and i’m really looking forward to it.

i will appreciate my friends more than i ever have before.
for some reason that i have yet to solve, i know some pretty amazing people that love me. and i think i have room to love these people back even harder than i did in 2011. so, i resolve to be better about phoning and communicating and visiting with all the people that make time for me. i will be there for my friends when they need me. always and without fail.

i will be better at being me.
i will be positive, i will grow, i will be respectful, i will be forgiving and i will be humble.  or at least i’ll try my best.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jen As Herself
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 21:11:30

    first and most importantly i’m just so sorry to read this. i can totally relate in probably every way, watching someone so good and so full of life and strength, fight a hard fight well, and still lose. i completely understand the impact it’s had and will continue to have on you. if you ever need someone who gets it, i’m here and we’re in such close proximity it’s almost ridiculous.

    as for quitting smoking, that’s awesome. i reached my 2 year anniversary on jan 1. i have the worst addictive personality and tendencies so if i could do it, you can, and anyone can. best feeling ever is when nicotine doesn’t control you anymore and you can honestly tell it to fuck off.

    as for your hobbies and fitness goals, i felt the exact same way. i don’t really have a lot of people who enjoy the same things as i do, or who are on the same page, so at some point i had to just ahead and do solo missions instead of letting free days pass me by. sometimes it turns out a great experience and other times not. i find there is a) safety in numbers, b) you’re more inclined to go the extra mile with friends, and c) your time is more accountable and memorable.

    anyway, as you know i’m always up for walks and talks and adventuring. i can’t do anything too costly with my big resolutions for hawaii but i do like a good wander or drive-enture. plus i haven’t really gotten out there much in the past few months and have the lack of photography to prove it. plus, it’s not like my nights and weekends are full of family time and all that crap, ha … i need jen time for my sanity.

    oh, and i totally dove off the wheat-free wagon at christmas and am slowly climbing back on. none of it was worth it, even the plateau pizza i started off with. i’ll blog about it eventually but trust me, so not worth it.

    Reply

  2. Puss
    Jan 09, 2012 @ 09:15:25

    Hello friend!

    Regarding your comment, “for some reason that i have yet to solve, i know some pretty amazing people that love me,” I have a theory:

    At the heart of it you’re a very good person and we can see that. That’s why we like to be with you. Plus there’s always fun to be had when you’re around.

    Keep doing what you’re doing; it’s working for you.

    Reply

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